Alright, so this is the deal. It's nearly 4 a.m. as I post this article, and I haven't been to bed yet, but have to be back up in about five hours to get the drinking whip cracking again. Don't ask me why because I'm not going to be able to tell you the reason, but what I can tell you is how incredibly sloshed the crew of guys and girls I'm getting together with in the morning plan on getting. No joke...I heard someone say earlier that they planned on drinking so much that they crap their liver out. Yeah, it's like that, so I'm telling myself, "Try to maintain, cause it's gonna be a long day."
Beers will most likely cost six or eight bucks apiece at the track so gargling a few shots and hammering down a hand full of beers before strapping bottles of hard liquor to our bodies to sneak into the infield is how our strategic minds have come together. It's not a new idea, or even a crafty one. No, actually it's the flunky way of going about smuggling your buzz beyond the gates of Churchill Downs. I've got friends that threw a party the other night just so they could ghetto rig coolers with false bottoms that hide alcohol. That's the way to go, but like I said, we're flunkies, so when I'm back up at quarter till nine shaving my inner thighs so that when I tape the liquor to them, peeling it back off won't pull my pubes from their roots. If you're going to be at the track then don't be a dummy. Start your buzz before you hit those gates, because it's going to be real easy to drop seventy five or a hundred bucks on some drink.
Photo courtesy of Damian Gerlach
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